I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
