Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
