There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
