I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
