The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
