Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i out mim tonsoeep
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