So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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