So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
