The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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