AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
