its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
