I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
