I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
