I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
