I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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