:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
