Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
