this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
