Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
