The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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