Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
