At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
