Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
