all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
