You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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