Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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