We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
