Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
