420 ftw
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
