he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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