Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize