Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drake has all the answers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
