I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
