I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
