We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
