i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize