i don't like sucking hair
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
