bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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