on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're too hungover to prance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
