she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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