I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
