Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
