"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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