i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
