you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
