Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
