New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
