He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
