when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
