new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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