the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
