Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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