I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
