I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
