My friends, they love my intelligence
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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