no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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