I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
