i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
