he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
