Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
