I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
