We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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