i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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