So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
