She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's the barista slut.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize