this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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