Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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