i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
