2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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