also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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