he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
