Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh god the rape fog is back!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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