they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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