This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
