i don't like sucking hair
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
