do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
