I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just gargled with NyQuil
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
