Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
