I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
