I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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