Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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