loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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